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What exactly is grief? Is there a time
frame for my grieving? Are there common stages of grief for everyone? How do
men, women, and children differ in grieving? When should I be concerned with my
grief? What help can I give a friend who is grieving? Grief is an emotion that is not easy to talk about, neither is it easy to convey to others. Each of us deals with our grief in unique and different ways.
A Friend is There You begin to help the bereaved when you attend the funeral. Being there demonstrates that although someone has died, friends like you still remain. Being there is an eloquent statement that you care. And even when the funeral service has ended, your friends need to know you are still there. The survivors feel very alone in dealing with their fear, confusion, anger and guilt. It is so important that the bereaved have understanding friends who are sensitive to the depth and complexities of their feelings.
Help the Bereaved Express Their Feelings Bereaved people need to express their emotions. You can encourage them by saying , "What are you feeling?"..."Tell me what's happening with you"..."It must be hard for you". Don't use clichés. Unfortunately, the survivors may feel even more alone and misunderstood when clichés are offered. Instead, let them tell you the emotions they are experiencing. Focus on where they are. Accept their moods whether it be fear or rage or panic. You are not there to judge. Remember, the survivors may need to talk about their loved ones for months and years-not just a few days following the funeral. Healing is a long, long process. Feelings and attitudes change. Just because the survivors may refuse to talk one day doesn't mean they don't need to communicate the following day. Friends must be sensitive to the shifting of moods and feelings. Love understands love; it needs no words.
It's Okay To Cry With Them Friends, as well as the bereaved, may need the opportunity to acknowledge their loss. Crying is a means by which people acknowledge the death of a loved one and work their way out of despair. Tears are not evidence of weakness. Weeping can be a shared experience.
Don't Be Afraid To Touch When words are sometimes meaningless, touching can be a most comforting way of communication. A squeeze of the hand or an embrace can eloquently tell them how much you care.
Above All, Continue to Call and Visit You could ask your bereaved friends, "Can I help?"..."Do you need anything?". Not wanting to intrude they may answer "No" even though their refrigerator is empty and they leave their house only to go to work. Don't ask...Do! Telephone. Visit. Drop by with food. Take the children on outings. Invite the family to your home. Demonstrate that you care, that you have not forgotten them. That is what love and friendship are all about!
Bass & Gasper Funeral Home has compiled a variety of support and educational resources meant to help you through the process of loss and learn coping skills. Death, Loss, and Grief - Understanding and Moving Through Grief Centre for Adolescent Health- Young People and Grief Death Education for Children of ALL Ages Bereavement Support Programs in Indiana Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Institute The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors - Armed Services Association of Death Education and Counseling Center for Loss and Life Transition
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